Dannykins,
I know i've taken a while to write to you on here but i've written a letter to you, which you've probably read already. I don't really know what to say, i usually can't shut up when i'm talking to you!
I do really miss you, it gets more real every morning i have to get up without you. I know you don't want me to keep crying but i can't help it, i feel really lost without you. You were always there, but i know you still are. there's no point me boring you with that though because we can't make it better.
I'm sitting in our masterpiece of a front room. We really did choose good styling for it, lol! Mums put all the washing in here again though, you're probably a bit annoyed about that cos it looked well smart when we finished decorating. I downloaded limewire on the computor, it was well hard i weren't too sure what to do, but i had some help from James, so i got the free one! I've started downloading loads of tunarge!! Wag has just been round and started downloading loads of Blink, we've been listening to it loads lately! We know you loved it, eventhough you had to hide it from scotty,flatty and ellis cos they would bully you, lol!
I was really looking forward to this christmas with you, we were going to bully Omer and mum, lol! I was going to get you a black ipod nano, to match your black look, and you was gonna get me one too, had it all planned, well at least I did!! Now your not here, well you are but you know wghat i mean, i don't really want to celebrate it without you. I know you loved christmas, i loved it when you had some champagne and would go bright red!!! But it's not right without you, and it's only right to know my last proper christmas was with you. It int right not having you wake me up in the morning!!! Can you remember when would try and get up before each other when we were little on a saturday morning and race downstairs to get the remote, eventhough we both just wanted to watch Diggit!!! Oh yerr! I hope you don't mind that we aren't celebrating, let me know if you do!!
I'm so happy we had such a good morning that monday, had a little fight on the way in to school and you tripped me up through the doors! Then i saw you about ten or eleven and you beat me up at my table in social forum, that was the last time i spoke to you, i saw you as i walked to go to the computor rooms talking to hannah, in history i think, i know you had history together cos she did your notes for you when you broke your leg, i tried to get ur attention but you were talkin, thats the last time i saw you. You were really happy that day, but then you always was! I'm so glad we got on so well and always had a laugh, you were even nice to me at school, you didnt get embarassed that i was your little sister, atleast once everyday you'd come have a chat or fight, or atleast just stick your fingers up at me!lol.
Ar, i just looked at some pictures of Nans wedding!! I know how much fun you had that day, not!! You were so bored, i remember i kept looking at you during the service and you were almost falling asleep, i just kept laughing at you. And you were laughing at me as i walked down the aisle lol!! That was well funny!Rememba woman who pissed you off when we was eating, you said you didnt like the cream and she was like ooh you don't like the cream. you was like if she even looks at me again I'm gonna snap! I don't think you liked her very much lol!
There's so much I can talk about with you!! Basically my whole life with you! Mum's birthday this year when i drank a bottle of wine and keep embarassing you, that was fun, and then you decided to come with me to leannes party and trash the place, as you laways did at parties!! lol.
I really can't believe your gone. I never thought this would happen, i just have to keep thinking it's wat you wanted, you wouldn't have wanted to be in a wheelchair, you hated being in a cast for six weeks never mind a wheelchair for a lifetime. The boys really miss you, i been with Wag, Ben and Pete quite a bit and Goody came down too but i guess you know all this! I;ve been to see Scotty and Ellis, they're doing well, they moan a lot but they'll get over it!! lol. Poor Scottnald has to put up with me a lot but I'm quite nice to him lol! Flatty is ok too, he moans a lot too but he really is just ok, he always moans, you know that!!! He's quite quiet, we chat on the net alot, all of them have been really good though, we still try and have a laugh as you would. I slapped Goody with pitta breads the other night round wags lol. He loved it, and i squished his face in the onion bajis lol!! I'm trying to have fun but i feel so bad when i'm having a laugh with all your friends, because you should be here with them. I know I've known them a long time, but they're your boys, and i know they always will be. You know that too. They all adore you, but who didn't, but we'll stick together and remember you always, keep talking to you and you keep talking to us. Wagga said to stop moving his pens in his bedroom lol!! It's the ball soon and i wasn't going to go because really wanted you to be there, but you will be and Wag got me a ticket so i am. There's a seat left for you so you better sit in it, you're at the main table lol!!
Just so you know, you really were the best brother ever, you looked after to all the time and we always had a laugh,I do anything for anothermacky d's drive thru or cruise to dads to bully him or just a little row over me watching something crap on tele. I miss you soo much, and it may seem selfish but i don't feel anyone is missing you as much as me, i saw you almost every day, you were normality. I know i will see you again but i hope it's not too long, if I could I would be with you now but I can't. I'm trying to help mum and dad but there's nothing i can do, they'll get happier cos they know it's what you want! I miss you more every day, waking up without you, not hearing your bed creak when you roll over, and not hearing you come home at 3 in the morning, it's really quiet now. But your great, you lived life to the fullest, ther was so much you wanted to do but you've gone for a reason no matter how much i say i don't care and i want you back, you have and you wouldn't have wanted to be trapped in a chair eventhough i'd of done everything to look after you, take you cruising when i can drive. Thanks for letting me have your baby by the way, I'll look after her i promise, I'll ask the boys for cleaning tips, well I think I'll ask Scotty, he has the cleanest car! I won't change a thing, and I'll keep her going as long as i can and she'll stay with me forever.
Well I had better go cos otherwise I'll never shut up!! If poeple piss me off I'll just merrr them away lol! I just remembered us doing that. Sorry this message is a bit jumpy, i just talk crap, but you're used to it, cos you do too lol!!! I've just realised I'm going to have to buy mum and dad's birthday presents now, I can't scrounge off you!! But they'll always be from both of us. I just keep thinking of so many things we did, just remembered our messing about bitch fights, always call each other skanks and stuff and couldn't use the same word twice, and goolie fights in the car on long journeys to wales and France, remember that, we found a spot in a lorry car park to have a kip and mum and dad fell asleep and we were awake then u laid all over me and fell asleep on my lap, i hope you were comfy, i had to sleep with my face squished against the window!!! Our latest holiday was just us tanning and listening to the streets together with an ear phone each, I'd have a timer so we would turn over in time and have same amount of time on our backs as we did our fronts and then we'd go for a swim in that well cold pool. After we'd play some cards and boom the music through that place we stayed at, pretty tacky weren't it, pissing people off. I loved how you got pissed off that mum and that wouldn't wake us up in the mornig to get breakfast so you'd wake me up and say we're going to get loads of food and charge it to mum and her friends cos they went without us all the time lol!! We had some quality holidays, we still played crocodiles when we were like 15 and 16, maybe I shouldn't have told people that! lol.
I don't know how to end it, cos i don't really want to all i want to do is write to you forever. You are the best brother ever, you're my best friend and I couldn't have asked for anything more, I'd of done anything for it not to have been you, I'd rather be there than you, you had so much going for you. But keep looking after yourself, keep watching me, the family and the boys, who are basically our little family too. I'll talk to you again soon but until then hit heaven haarrd and keep on smiling! Just to say I'm so proud to say you were my big brother, and only mine, can't wait to see you again, but i hope i aint old and you're looking all trendy. I keep worrying about so many things. Also, last friday went really well, i hope you liked the music.
I've put in some pictures of you and the boys and me and you and mum, I hope it works.
Love you forever Danny, miss you.
Mo
